Dating as a Plus Size Woman

The last time I went on a date, I was about 60lbs lighter than I am now. Why do I bring this up, you ask? Well for me, there was a time I honestly believed that I couldn’t find love in the body I was currently in. I kept thinking, “who would want to be with me?” Of course I can thank fairytales and the media for the lack of representation and diversity when it comes to love and romance.

In my last relationship I was obsessed with my size and how I looked. My then boyfriend was significantly smaller than me and I hated myself for it. Would I ever get my run and jump hug I’d seen on the Bachelor for years? Every time he said I was beautiful I would laugh or think he was lying. In the end he winded up being unfaithful and I was devastated.

You see, self love and body acceptance comes easier to me when it’s about wearing and eating what I want, but when it comes to dating and letting someone in intimately, I find it so scary.

I was insecure about our relationship because of my size.

I’ve done dating apps, on and off since about 2013, and never really found any success. I was always shutting things down before even being asked on a date or just not taking the time to put myself out there at all—leaving potential suitors on “read” for weeks. Besides, being a plus size Black woman on a dating app is HARD. The blatant racism, fatphobia, fetishizing, and just ickiness would put anyone off.

So it’s 2021, I’m in a new city, I have a confidence in myself that I’ve never had before, and I am looking for that love & friendship they write books about. Trust me, I’m a jaded hopeless romantic, but one, none the less. I’ve downloaded a dating app for the 100th time and I am trying again. Of course I hear the old doubts creep back into my head at first— “maybe you should lose some weight before swiping right, Jaimmy,” and “they’re never going to match with you, Jaimmy,” but I just tell that voice to shut the hell up and excitedly chat away with new prospects. Life is too short to think what if and I know there’s someone who can love me for me.